


The Past is but a Whisper in my Ear

by ChiefDoctor



Series: Past and Future [1]
Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M, Save our Mattex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-23
Updated: 2015-01-17
Packaged: 2018-02-26 18:09:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 20,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2661503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChiefDoctor/pseuds/ChiefDoctor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They've moved on from Who and each other................haven't they?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Normal Order of Things

**Author's Note:**

> I have just completed a massive story and had no intentions of writing nor posting anything so soon. What is currently happening in the fandom propelled me to my laptop. There are concerns that now that Alex is on social media that she will find our stories and perhaps be upset.  
> I can't believe that she hasn't already found them considering any Google search shows one of our stories on the first page of searches. I can't believe that her or a member of her family hasn't already found them, possibly read them, and have moved on. It is a shame that that we are losing such beautiful stories over something that is probably already a mute point.  
> I think if Alex came upon them she would be surprised that we found her life as interesting as we do. But I also think she would see them for the inspiring fantasies that they are. She has made a career of creating fictional characters.......it would be obvious to her that this version of "Alex" is not her but a character we created.  
> Those stories were written out of a love and respect for Alex and Matt. No one was trying to hurt them nor did the writers or the readers believe it to be truthful. These are fantasies.....fiction.  
> I came to AO3 for Doctor Who stories but I stayed for Mattex. It spoke to me in ways other stories didn't. It got me to write for crying out loud. I and many others will be devastated if there is no longer these brilliant stories to read.  
> So I am posting the beginning of a new story that I have mostly plotted out but I cannot promise how soon I will be able to update as this is a busy time of year for me. Cherish what we have while we have it.

It’s a sunny day in California as she makes her way down the street.  A cute teenage outfit catches her eye in the shop window stopping her long enough to wonder if her daughter would like it or ‘die from embarrassment’.  Shaking her head she resumes her trek down the bustling street.  It wasn’t easy having a teenager at home.  Pulling in a breath she thought about how it was even harder to have a teenager halfway across the globe from her.  So often her work has taken her to Europe, mostly her native country England.  She loved being back home.  It felt right being back there except the part of being separated from her child.  As hard as it was living with the hormonal teen these days; living away from her was so much, much harder.

She soon arrived at the quaint tea room tucked into the side of the busy shops.  Smiling she drinks in the oldness of the building compared to the newness that surrounds it.  It hasn’t changed in all these years.  When she first arrived in the states to work on ER she would lament to everyone how she missed a proper tea room.  One day George Clooney asked her to join him for tea.  Knowing his reputation she assumed this was his way of getting her to come to his trailer and politely declined the offer.  He got her attention with these words.  “Well, ok but I thought you were dying for a proper tea room?”  The tea room was everything she had hoped for back then.  It was like a little slice of home in the middle of a strange land.

It still feels and looks like that now.   A building out of time that makes her feel like she has moved in time and space when she passes the threshold.  The smell of freshly brewed tea and baked scones fill the air as she scans the room spotting the red head seated against the wall near the back.  Completely engrossed in her phone she doesn’t see her approach.  “Hello mum!”

Whipping her head up Karen’s face breaks out into a smile.  “Hello daughter!”  She chirps as she bounces up wrapping her arms around Alex.

As soon as they settle in at the table the waiter stops by to take their order.  Karen is grateful that Alex always knows what she wants when they come here.  There is no protracted looking over menus.  Not here.  This is home.  Here she is certain what she wants.  “I’ll have a pot of Earl Grey, and an order of scones with clotted cream and raspberry jam.”

After the waiter bustles off to fill their order Karen begins with the questions.  “So, are you excited?”

“Excited?”  She looks at her with uncertainty.

Rolling her eyes at her she tries again.  “About the wedding?  Are you excited about the wedding?”

“Oh that!  Um, yes I’m excited.”  She says decidedly not as excited as she wanted her words to convey.  This did not go unnoticed by Karen.

Leaning into the table she probes.  “What’s the matter Alex?” 

Alex falters not sure what she wants to say next, not the truth.  Oh my God, not the truth!  Luckily the stare of Karen’s eyes was interrupted by the clank of the teapot as the waiter placed it between them. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	2. Revelations

As soon as the waiter leaves Alex busies herself preparing her tea and tearing into her scones.  It’s been nearly a month since she has been back in England and this little reminder of home tastes like heaven.  Karen has been quiet and she knows it’s only a matter of time before she takes up her question again.  “So are you going to tell me what’s the matter?”  She finally says after a few sips of tea and half of her scone.

Alex holds her scone still halfway from her plate.  “It’s probably nothing Karen.  Don’t worry about it.”  She tries dismissing any concerns Karen might have conjured.

Surely she knew that Karen would not give up so easily.  “Alex, you are engaged to be married.  This is supposed to be the most exciting time in a girl’s life and you sound like you’re not really interested at all.”

“Well to be fair dear, I have been married before….twice.”  Karen noticed that she didn’t seem to want to look her in the eye when she spoke.  This fueled her desire to know what was going on even more.

Reaching across the table she lays her hand over Alex’s startling her into looking up.  “Alex, you and I both know that marriage is a big step for you.”  Alex winced at the thought that this was her third.  “So I know you didn’t enter into this engagement lightly but you seem to be having second thoughts.”  This revelation forced Alex’s eyes back to hers.  “Tell your mum what’s going on.”  She patted her hand then sat back in her chair.

Karen was such a blessing in her life.  She never would have thought they would have become as close as they have considering their difference in age.  The truly amazing part of their friendship is how often Karen mothers her, much like Amy.  Most probably think that Alex is in that role with Karen, but that rarely happens.

Alex sits up tearing at her scone as she focuses on a distant point in the room.  It’s a long while before she begins to talk; Karen waits patiently.  She’s learned that given enough space that Alex will eventually open up to her…..even if waiting is akin to torture.  Looking down at her destroyed scone she puts it back on her plate and starts to fiddle with her engagement ring.  “I think I’ve made a mistake.”  She begins.

“How so?”  Karen encourages her to continue as she sips on her tea.

“I don’t think I should marry Tom.”  She says in almost a whisper staring at the ring she wiggles back and forth on her left hand.

Karen’s hands reach over the table to cover and still her own.  “Tell me why you think that.”

Pulling her hands from under Karen’s she slides them up and down her face.  “Because he’s not the one.”  She manages to say from behind her hands.

“He’s not the one what?”  Karen was a bit confused since from all that Alex had told her about Tom he seemed lovely, he adored her, and she seemed so enamored with him.

“I love him.”

“Tom?”

“Yes, I love him.”

“Ok, so…..?”  She waits anxiously for her to pick up the conversation.

“But he’s not the one.”

“So you’ve said.  The one what?”

In a rush she sputtered out, “TheoneIwanttobewith.”

It took Karen a moment to decipher what she had said before she could respond, “Then who is?”

Not looking at her she stared intently at her hands as she wrung them together.  “I’ve known for a while.  At first I didn’t want to admit it, even to myself.  But I can’t deny it any longer.  As lovely as he is he’s not the man for me.”  She rubs her hands over her face bringing them together under her chin.  Leaning against her clasped hands she speaks her saddest revelation.  “The worst part is that I think Tom is starting to figure it out too.”

Leaning forward Karen tries to be soothing in her asking, “Oh Alex, what are you going to do?”

Falling against the back of the chair she stares across to Karen.  “I have no idea.”

Karen’s eyes widened.  “But Alex, you wouldn’t marry him now would you?  I mean knowing how you feel.”  When Alex didn’t answer right away she took a more stern tone with her.  “Tell me Alexandra that you wouldn’t go ahead with this marriage knowing he’s not the one you want to be with.”  Karen can be quite fierce when she has a point to make.  Alex knows she will make a fantastic mother someday.

Quickly looking around to see if anyone is listening she turns back to Karen.  “Keep your voice down.”  She admonishes.

Karen quickly scans the room to see an older gentleman reading his paper on the far side of the room and the waiters scurrying in the kitchen.  “Alex there is no one here.  Now answer the question.”

She’s rubbing her lips back and forth across her clasped hands like she does when she is nervous.  “I don’t want to hurt him.”  She finally says quietly without looking up.

Karen scrapes her chair around the table till she is closer to Alex.  She pulls her hands away from her lips which are beginning to show signs of becoming raw.  “Alex, I know this is scary.  But if you know in your heart that he is not the right man for you, you can’t go forward with this marriage.  How much hurt are you going to cause him, and yourself, when things fall apart later?”

Alex could feel a small trickle make its way down her cheek.  She knew Karen was right.  If she’s honest she knew this before she came here today.  She just needed someone else to come to the same conclusion so she knew she had no other options.  Nodding her head she acknowledged what Karen was saying then leaned over resting her head on her shoulder while tears slowly made their way across her face.  Karen just held her letting her process this conclusion to her relationship. 

When it appeared she was in control of her emotions Karen asked softly into her hair the question she had hoped wouldn’t come.  “So Alex if Tom isn’t the one you want to be with, who is?”

She was glad Karen couldn’t see her face because she was sure it was written there probably flashing in neon across her forehead.  “Never mind.”  She wiped at her eyes as she pulled herself together. 

Karen was watching her intently for some glimmer of the person’s identity.  She of course then came to the completely wrong idea.  “Oh. My. God!  Please tell me you are not still pining over that arsehole?”

Alex had to chuckle.  “Which arsehole?  There have been so many.”

“The first, of course.  Ralph!” 

The smirk drained from Alex’s face at the mention of her first husband.  “No Karen!  Definitely _not_ him!”

“Oh thank God!”  She fell back against the hard wood of the chair.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	3. Now What To Do With Them?

As she walks back to her car she mindlessly looks at the shop windows in no hurry to be in her empty house.  Salome is at her father’s this week and Tom is at work.  Of course, her guilt overtaking her, she thinks it might be worse later when Tom is home.  She knows she’s going to have to tell him but she doesn’t want to see the sadness in his eyes knowing she is responsible for that.

Karen bringing up Ralph had her thinking of him now too.  ‘Is that why he never told her?  Why he waited until she found out?  Was he trying to avoid seeing the sadness in her eyes as well?”  She hadn’t given much thought as to how their break up had made him feel since he had acted as if it was no big deal on his end.  She wasn’t sure she liked thinking about it now either; especially when she was casting herself in his role.

In an effort to not think of any of this at all she mindlessly looks into the store windows as she leisurely makes her way down the street.  It’s such a silly thing but when she sees it she can’t get the thoughts of him out of her head.  Standing there staring at a shop window, the bright red bowtie with the smart looking suit takes her back to the set of Who in Cardiff a million years ago. 

_Staring at the bowtie it’s like her mind travels through a portal seeing him in his bowtie for the first time.  They were on the beach preparing for their first scenes….his first scenes as the Doctor.  Poor Matt he was trying to stay upbeat but she could see how terrified he was behind the smile he kept wearing.  She hadn’t been too sure about him when she looked him up online to try to find footage of his work.  There wasn’t much to go on.  So to say she was blown away by his portrayal of the Doctor in the read through was putting it mildly.  He seemed to become the Doctor ……even in a crowded room, with nothing but a pen to stand in for his sonic screwdriver, and an entire country waiting for him to fail.  She remembers sitting back in her chair in awe that someone so young could already be that amazing._

_She had expressed her concerns to Steven that it might be a hard sell for her to play his love interest when she was nearly twenty years older but Steven kept assuring her it would be fine.  When he tripped over (apparently air) when Steven called him over to meet her she thought this was going to be a disaster right up until the moment his hand touch hers.  As he shook her hand she felt an electricity pulse through her from him to her.  It’s not something she’s ever been able to describe but they ‘just connected’._

The flirting, her fondling his bowtie, the looks of longing they gave one another when they thought the other wasn’t looking.

It was just an infatuation between co-workers she had convinced herself although she has never been able to fully convince her heart.  They could never be so she never said.  She was sure it was for the best.  Ever since the last time they had seen each other her heart has been a little broken. 

He had moved on, new girlfriend, new movies.  He was going to be a star and she was so very proud of him.  They kept up their pretense of being friends.  He would text; she would respond.  Rarely did she ever initiate contact.

It’s been over a year since she last saw him.  In that time she’d met Tom through her mom friends in LA.  He was just a normal guy, about her age, and he had a daughter close to Salome’s age.  They hit it off and before she knew what was happening she was saying yes to his proposal.  Now she’s not sure but she thinks she may have made the biggest mistake of her life. 

Weirdly she finds herself wanting to talk to Matt.  Yes, of course she wants to talk to Matt.  She misses him something fierce.  They weren’t just friends on set. They weren’t just actors who played lovers.  The many facets of their relationship were intertwined into…..almost into their DNA.  This is just who they were from the moment they met.

They never became lovers but that didn’t stop the flirting and innuendo from constantly radiating back and forth from each other.  Yet they talked…..about anything and nothing at all.  She had never felt she could be more open with anyone in her entire life.

_As she forces her feet to move again she continues to think about how close they had become.  On set they drove everyone crazy with their constant flirting and innuendo but when it was just them ….well.  It’s not that the flirting and innuendo stopped but it wasn’t the most important thing in their relationship.  They genuinely cared about each other.  Matt was always a great sounding board when she was having a problem with Salome.  She would tease him that he understood her daughter better than she did because he was still a big kid himself.  But she knew better.  She knew it was because how close he had been to his older sister and how in tune he always seemed to be with people.  Alex was always there to take care of him whenever the need arose.  As accident prone as Matt was…. well the need arose often.  As she unlocks her car she pauses wondering why they have allowed distance to dissolve their friendship.  Sitting in the car she knows why….it had hurt too much.  It hurt to constantly keep him at just enough distance that he couldn’t see how she really felt about him.  God she missed him!_

She wanted him back in her life.   She knew she could never have him as her lover…..he had moved on and she was (gasp!) engaged but she wondered if she could have him back as her  friend.  Not this pretend friend thing that they had been doing but real friends again.

When she arrived home she quickly kicked her shoes off near the entrance pulling her phone from her purse.  As she walked towards her study she scrolled through her contacts.  Clicking on his name her breath hitched as he was smiling back at her from the phone in her hand.  She loved this picture of him.  They had been to the flower market early one Sunday morning.  It wasn’t really his thing but he was there for her.  He had looked so adorable amongst the flower stalls that day that she snuck a picture before he realized it.  He had begged her to delete it.  His hair was askew, he needed a shave, and he had just tossed on any old clothes but she loved it.  It was him….the real him……the one she had been privileged to know. 

As she entered the study her eyes took in the time on the large clock over the mantle.  Ten past two….. that would mean its ten past ten in London.  “He would still be up.  He never went to bed that early even with five am call times.”  She mumbled to herself.  Before she could talk herself out of it and before it dawned on her that he might not be alone she hit the call button.

She nearly hung up three times.  She considered it after each ring and almost did when she heard his voice.  “Hello?  Kingston?  Is that you?”

“Hello darling!”  She heard herself say before wondering if he minded that she still called him that.

“Kingston!  Oh my god it is so good to hear your voice.  What have I done to deserve such a present?”

He is so adorable.  She giggles into the phone.  “Well I was having tea with ‘mummy’ today and it made me think of you so I thought I would give you a call.”

“Mummy?”  He paused before he connected the dots.  “Oh you mean Karen.  So how is Moonface anyways?”

She rolled her eyes at him.  “Honestly are you still calling her that?  Her head doesn’t look anything like the moon!”

Laughing into the phone, “Oh I beg to differ.  Did you not see it in ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’?  Not only was it bald and moon shaped but blue.  A perfect blue moon!!”

“Oh god darling that is awful.  Did you think that up all by yourself?”  She chastised him.

He shuffled his feet as he paced around his lounge.  “Um….well no actually.  Darvill came up with that one…but it’s still true!”

They continue to talk like the old days….as if no time has passed at all.  It’s an hour into the conversation before he dares ask why she really called.  He knows Alex, knows her better than he knows himself.  For over a year he has barely gotten a handful of texts from her unless it was to answer one of his.  For her to call him there had to be more to it.

During the conversations she had settled onto the soft leather of the study’s sofa.  Talking to him again felt like no time had passed between them.  They just connected like they always did.  “So why did you really call Alex?”  She should have expected him to ask at some point in the conversation but she still wasn’t prepared to answer him. 

“Can’t I just call?  I thought we were still friends.”

“Of course you can Alex…..it’s just……you never have before.”  Oh he had her there.  “I didn’t think you wanted to talk to me anymore.”  He said in barely a whisper.

“Oh darling that is so not true.  I have wanted to talk to you so many times in this past year….. I thought you wouldn’t want to talk to me.”  Her voice trailed off.

She can hear his laughter coming through the phone as if he is sitting next to her on the sofa.  “Oh Kingston we are so silly aren’t we?”

“Yes, we are!  I’m so glad I called you.”

“As am I….but I need to head off to bed.  I have a five am call tomorrow.”

She looked overtop the mantle to see it was nearly half four, meaning it was nearly half one in the morning for him.  “Oh God darling, I had no idea we had talked so long.  I didn’t mean to keep you up so late.”

“It wouldn’t be the first time ……although both of us usually had a bit more to drink.”

She blushed at the memories of their many drunken nights.  Nights she spent just with him in his flat or hers or with Team TARDIS.  She admonished his cheek before wishing him a good-night.  She laid there on the sofa cradling the phone against her chest.  Replaying their conversation over and over in her head she must have drifted off to sleep.   

_She hadn’t been back from set but half an hour when there was a knock at her door.  It wasn’t exactly a surprise to her that Matt was standing there laden down with take away and wine.  He’d been doing this a lot since Karen and Arthur had left.  “Kingston!”  Without pausing he continues a mile a minute as he saunters past her into her flat.  “Beven in lighting was telling me about this heavenly Thai place that he said we just had to try.  So I swung by to pick some up and couldn’t decide on just one entrée so I may have gotten a bit too much for just me.”  He was blushing as he put the food on the counter and started looking for the wine opener in her utensil drawer._

_He was so adorable.  He seemed to be at loose ends without Arthur and Karen to anchor him.  Despite how well he and Jenna got along on set she wasn’t one to want to hang with him off set.  She had Richard and she was just quiet.  It was quite the contrast to the loud and boisterous Karen.  “Well I’m not going to turn away a man carrying dinner ….and wine!”  She purred._

_His face shot up flashing her this enormous grin.  “I’ve got to say….I love that about you, Kingston!”  She brushed past him to get the plates while he poured the wine.  Sitting comfortably on the sofa he surfed through the channels finally settling on a singing competition.  While eating Thai and drinking wine they mocked either the singers or the judges mercilessly throughout.  When she finished eating she placed her plate on the nearby table then without thinking stretched her legs onto his lap.  With only his wine glass in one hand his other fell over her legs absently drawing against them._

_She was sure he had no idea how torturous it was for her having him so close and yet needing to keep her distance.  From what seemed like a long distance away she heard someone call her name …..and then she was back in the present._

She was awoken by the sound of Tom’s voice calling for her from the other room.  ‘Why did she feel disappointed that it was Tom’s voice?’

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**


	4. Friends

Over the course of the next three weeks one of them calls the other nearly everyday.  Weekends are a little harder since Tom is about but she takes a walk in the garden and keeps those calls a bit shorter.

He mentions that he is going to be back in the states in a couple of weeks to do a convention in Reno, Nevada.  “Maybe I could pop over to LA and we could have lunch?”

“Oh my god Matt, you are already starting to sound like those Hollywood types?”

“Huh?”  He asks confused.

“You know how they all say will ‘do lunch’?”  He laughs finally getting the joke.

“Well…..but I really mean it.  Can we do that Alex?  Can we have lunch together?”  She knows what he is really asking.  He is really asking can we actually be friends again like we used to be?”

She has missed the idiot something fierce.  These past weeks have been bliss being able to talk with him again.  They may never be able to be what she would like them to be to each other but it’s looking like they can be real friends again.  “Yes, absolutely we can have lunch together.  Text me your flight schedule and I will be sure to block off time for you ….and I will even treat you to the best Thai food in all of Los Angeles.”

He sat there quietly trying to comprehend that he would be seeing her again.  He had been sure that he would only ever see her in pictures on the Internet or on the telly.  When he had heard of her engagement he was certain that their friendship as he knew it was a thing of the past.  When he didn’t respond she began to worry her bottom lip.  “Darling?  Is that ok?”

“Yes, yes that is more than ok Kingston.”  His voice was rough like he was trying to hold back tears.  “I can’t wait to see you again.”

“Me too!  I’ll talk to you soon.”  Her voice caught somewhere in her throat.

“You better!”

“Yes, I better.  Goodnight darling.”

“Good afternoon Kingston.”

They had somehow fallen into this pattern of saying good-bye to each other.  She wondered if it meant something more than just a way to say good-bye.  It seemed like it did.

_It reminded her of their exchange in “A Good Man Goes to War”.  Everything had been so charged on set that day.  Finally she was able to reveal River’s big secret not just on screen but to her co-stars.  They had been merciless in trying to wheedle River’s identity out of her all season.  As the lead of the show it had bothered Matt that there were things he did not know.  He especially had outdone himself trying to get her to tell and she can’t say she minded the extra attention.  Along with the flirting he became more demonstrative, always touching her when she was near, massaging her shoulders while she waited on set, sharing his coat with her (while he was still in it!).  Now that she thinks about it that didn’t really stop after he learned who River was…..hmmm._

_That night they had all gathered at Karen’s for a Team Tardis/Pond family blowout as Kaz had called it.  They were at the halfway point in the season and they were all looking forward to the several weeks break they had been granted.  It didn’t take long for inhibitions to be let down what with Kaz shouting “shots” every five minutes._

_Feeling no pain Alex protested more shots.   Karen reminded her, “I’m you mum.  You have to do what I say.”_

_Giving her a one-eyed smirk, she countered.  “I really need to talk to your mum about her parenting skills!”_

_They had been having a good time all evening with Alex calling her “mum” and Arthur “dad”.  They’d respond by reminding her of her bedtime or other rules “their daughter” had to follow.  After a good laugh Karen would shout “shots” and it would start anew._

_As the evening went on she began to notice how quiet Matt had been.  Curling up next to him on the sofa she rested her head on his shoulder.  “You alright darling?”_

_The brush of her hair against his face brought him out of his quiet stupor realizing that Alex was talking to him …..and she was very close to him.  “Yeah, I guess.”  He muttered._

_Pushing herself up she rested her hands against his chest.  “You guess?  What’s the matter Matt?”_

_His heart is racing having her so close, her hands against his heart.  Running a hand through his hair he tries not to give himself away.  “Well it’s just I still don’t know who River is…..not for sure.”_

_“She’s our daughter stupid face.  Weren’t you paying attention while we were filming?”  Karen interrupted._

_“Yeah, I know she’s Amy and Rory’s daughter.”  He pointedly stuck his tongue out at Kaz.  “But what about to me…..to the Doctor?  Is she his wife?  I mean she has to be doesn’t she?  She knows his name.  Only family would know his name.”  He looked imploringly into Alex’s eyes hoping for confirmation.  He wasn’t sure why it was so important to him that she be his wife but it definitely was._

_He was met by Alex’s large grin and he knew where this was headed.  “Spoilers Sweetie!”  She purred._

_Without thinking he began to tickle her mercilessly begging her to tell him.  It wasn’t until she feigned sickness that he stopped.  Holding her from behind he breathed into her hair.  “I so hope River’s my wife.”  Her breath hitched wondering did he mean him or the Doctor.  She allowed him to lay her on the sofa as he continued to hold her.  Pressing her back into his chest it felt right to be there with him and soon they had drifted off to sleep._

_It wasn’t until morning that she realized he was still holding her his one hand lay against her arse and his other cupped her breast.  She experienced so many emotions in such a short period of time.  At first she was shocked, then rather enjoyed the attention, then worried if it was going to make things awkward between them.  The fact that his hands on her was something she had fantasized about quite frequently only stoked her fires causing her more embarrassment wondering if he could tell how turned on she was in that moment._

_The moment was broken when Karen stumbled into the lounge demanding “Coffee!”_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	5. Making Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised when faced with deadlines for work I tend to procrastinate and the payoff is another new chapter! Its a little one but a little extra till next week. ;)

Two days later he sent her his schedule for that week which included his weekend in Reno and a couple days in LA.  He had added that he had meetings to attend in LA not wanting her to think that he’d carved out those days just for her when in actuality that is just what he had done. 

Despite the time and distance that their lives had put between him she still occupied a huge space in his heart.  He never told her.  He never dared to upset the tenuous balance they had maintained in their friendship.  There were so many times he almost said something, almost took her in his arms and kissed her senseless but he was afraid.  He was afraid that she would run and he would lose what contact he did have with her.

When their time on Who ended he tried to keep in contact with her but she didn’t seem to want to.  She only texted when he did first and they were always short.  He had to let her go.  He had to move on.  She would never feel for him what he felt for her and as hard as it was he had to accept that it would never be more than it already was.

He had no idea what would happen when they saw each other again but he hoped.  At the very least he hoped they would be the friends that they had been before.  He had missed her in his life and despite wanting more with her he would be grateful for this part of her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At first when she got his schedule via text she was at elated that she was going to be seeing him again.  But soon sadness seeped in when she realized he would only be in LA for two days.  That didn’t seem like enough time and she would have to share him with agents and producers.  An idea began to take shape.

Before thinking it through she was dialing Steven’s number at the Who offices in Cardiff.  By the end of the phone call she had gotten herself added to the Who Convention in Reno.  She’d asked that her and Matt not be put together for panels but photos sessions were ok.  “Oh and one more thing Steven……can you not tell Matt I’m coming?”

She could hear his Scottish chortle as he said, “Sure Alex, whatever you want.  But you know they’re going to announce your appearance on their website and other promotional adverts?”

“Of course, I get it.  It’s…..well I’d like it to be a surprise if possible.”

“Should I ask what this is about?”  Steven already knew what this was about even if Alex wasn’t sure herself.  Everyone on set knew.  They weren’t blind to the looks of longing that passed between them, or how many takes their onscreen kisses took.  Matt hovering around her, bringing her tea and when she thought no one was looking slipping bags of sweets into his jacket pocket.  Most of the cast and crew had assumed they were lovers.

It’s was only Alex and Matt that were clueless.  Matt didn’t find out himself until one night sipping brandy with Steven in his study when he asked how he was doing since Alex left.  He was startled by the question and floored when his boss had assumed that they had been together. 

“Steven, Matt and I have drifted apart since our last episode together.  We haven’t really talked much since then.  In the last month, we have been talking again.  I’m hoping this weekend can be about getting my friend back again.  Thank you for helping me do that.”

“Believe me Alex you are doing me a world of favors.  Having the Doctor and River Song at the same convention….why they will be turning them away at the door!”

It wasn’t until after she got off the phone did the impact of what she just did hit her.  “Oh my god, I’m going to be at the same hotel with Matt…..for an entire weekend.”  Suddenly she had thoughts that were definitely ‘more than friends’ thoughts.  “Oh this could be bad….” She realized.  When she heard Tom’s voice calling her from the entranceway, she added.  “Very, very bad.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For the weeks leading up to the convention Alex tried to focus on Tom.  She really did.  They were planning their wedding and deciding how they were going to combine their households.  She did love him.  They would be a good match together.  Somewhere in the midst of all of this she was reminded that she had thought that her and Florian would be a good match.  They were a good match but they weren’t as in love with each other as they were with the idea of a family with each other.  In the end logical and safe didn’t work.  Looking across the room at Tom as he helps his daughter with her homework she wonders if the same would be true of them.

He insists on driving her to the airport and she insists that he drop her at the curb.  “There’s no sense coming in they won’t let you passed security anyways.”  He agrees.  They say their good-byes privately inside the car far from the prying eyes of the paparazzi.  Despite wanting to be in her life he was still coming to terms with his own life becoming public.  He was glad that she tried to keep her own life ‘under the radar’.

After walking through security she began to let the excitement of seeing Matt again bubble within her.

When she got a text later from Tom shortly before boarding she felt a pang of guilt.  ‘Why should I feel guilty?  I’m going for a work thing.’  At least that is what she told Tom.  ‘I’m happy that I am going to be seeing my friend Matt again.’  At least that is what she told herself.  If she dared to admit it she knew it was way more complicated than that.  Of course that was the very reason she refused to think about the possibilities that this weekend could present.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	6. Reunion

Arriving at the hotel long before Matt was expected gave her a chance to get settled.  She unpacked and freshened up but her nerves were getting the best of her.  She had already gone over the itinerary for the weekend with the production assistant but she tried to review the info further to get her mind off of listening for his arrival.  She had convinced the PA that having her and Matt on the same floor would make things easier for them so she booked him into the adjacent room.  She also mentioned that she was a bit of a surprise at the convention so not to mention her to Matt.

She kept reading and rereading the same pages over and over but she couldn’t concentrate on them.  Finally nearly three hours later she heard the door next to her room slam shut followed by someone falling over something, and then cursing.  ‘Matt was here!’

She waited an excruciating fifteen minutes before walking over to his door.  Smoothing down her white silk blouse she took a deep breath hoping for…….well just hoping.  She knocked softly on the door.

On the other side she could hear footsteps coming closer.  When he opened the door his mouth dropped and his eyes bugged out.  “Kingston?”

“Hello darling.”  She stood there before him taking in the sight of him.  God, he looked marvelous.  Now that he wasn’t putting in fourteen hour days for ten months straight he lost the age lines that had taken over his face by the end of his run on Who.  Even with his shorter hair he had his boyish charm back.  She couldn’t help but grin at that.

“Kingston?  You’re here!”  He took the two steps necessary to wrap his arms around her feeling her melt into him.  Taking a deep breath he took in her intoxicating smell – the one that always made him feel like he had found home.  “I have missed you.”  He breathed into her hair unwilling to let her go.

Having Matt’s arms around her again gave her such a contented feeling.  She never wanted to leave them.  They felt stronger than she remembered or did she just feel safer in them…she couldn’t be sure.  With her head resting against his chest she could hear the rapid sound of his heart.  She couldn’t help but feel it sounded just like hers….lonely. 

Before she could think much about that he pulled back to look at her.  His eyes drank in the sight of her before him…..still so gorgeous.  His hand grazed her cheek as he reached to pull on one of her curls.  He smiled as he watched it spring back.

“So I see some things never change.”  She smirks at him.  When he gives her a look of confusion she continues, “still have a thing for the hair?”

His face breaks out in a grin.  “Always!” 

“Are you going to ask me in darling?”  She chides him, a little concerned who might show up with a camera phone misreading their embrace. 

“Yes. Yes, sorry.  I was just so surprised to see you.  Come on in Kingston.”  He holds the door back for her to enter his hotel suite.  It hasn’t taken him long to take over the place she notices.  His suitcase sits in the corner on the luggage rack, while it looks like the entire contents of his carry-on bag has been dumped on the bed. 

“My goodness Matthew you haven’t been here but fifteen minutes and you have already made a mess of the place.”

“Well I… wait a minute how do you know I’ve been here for fifteen minutes?”  He looks at her suspiciously.

Oops she hadn’t meant to give that away.  Trying to not to give away that she had been anxiously listening for his arrival she says nonchalantly.  “Well it wasn’t hard to miss with the slamming of the door, and you cursing after you fell over something….. probably air.”  When he scrunches up his face still not understanding, she adds.  “My room is next door idiot.”

“Really?”  He said almost breathlessly.

“Yeah really.  Kinda like being back in Cardiff don’t you think?”  She was hoping she sounded like it was to be expected with them.  Internally she hoped he never found out how many strings she pulled to make this happen.  “So you ready for the convention?”  Hopefully steering the conversation back to why they were (supposedly) here wouldn’t allow him to think about it too much.

When he didn’t answer right away she turned to face him.  He seemed rooted to the same spot and couldn’t take his eyes off of her.  “Matt?”

He blinked when she called his name shaking himself from his stupor.  “Alex, what are you doing here?”  He kept looking at her as if he was trying to decipher a mystery.

“I’m here for the convention….same as you.”

“What?  But Alex you weren’t scheduled to be at this convention.  I was meeting you in LA.”  Finally regaining use of his legs he took two steps closer to her.

She pretended to be highly interested in the view out his window.  Without looking his way she answered, “Well I decided that was a rubbish idea.  This will be much more fun.”  She turned to face him.  “Don’t you agree?”

Standing beside her he turned her to face him.  “So let me see if I get this.  You convinced a comic con to put you on the schedule so we could what?  Spend more time together?”

“It wasn’t like it was hard to convince them.  Steven was practically floating over the city of Cardiff.”

“Steven?”

“Yeah, well…I called him to see if he could arrange it.  He was giddy like a schoolgirl by the time he got off the phone.  You know how he is about River and the Doctor?”

He reached out to take her hand, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb.  “But why Alex?  You hate these things.”

“I don’t hate them….I just hate when I say totally awkward things that gets splashed all over the Internet and construed into something it wasn’t.”

“But why would you come here now?”  She didn’t dare look into his eyes but kept her focus on their joined hands.

“Because…because..”  She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth as she thought carefully about her words.  “Because I missed you ok?  I missed having you as my friend and….I thought it might be easier to get that back if we were River and the Doctor again.”  She pulled her hand from his to wrap both of her arms around herself while turning to face the window. 

She hadn’t expected him to slide his arms around her waist, pressing himself into her back, and resting his chin on her shoulder.  “Oh Kingston, I’m still your friend.  I always will be…..no matter how much time or distance gets between us.”  He gives her a squeeze.  “But your right, what we had at Who was special.  The longer I’m away from it the more I realize it.  I mean I knew then….at least I thought I did but being away from it gives everything a new perspective, eh?”  She nods against his shoulder. 

He watches her in the reflection of the glass.  He’s sure she has no idea that he can see her or she would have schooled her emotions.  He can’t help but wonder why she looks so sad.

He takes a step back and spins her around in his arms.  “So now that time and space is not a problem. Where would you like to start?”  He bops her on the end of her nose like he used to.

Tilting her head and giving him an arched brow she inquires, “Are you speaking Doctor again?”

Blushing he stammers, “May…be…..a bit of it.”

She kisses his cheek as she walks away.  He can’t help but follow the sway of her hips across the room.  ‘God, he has missed her!’

He almost doesn’t notice that she has called room service and has ordered them afternoon tea.  “Darling, it’s going to be about a half hour before tea will be delivered.  Why don’t I leave you to get yourself settled after your trip?”  She started to head to the door.  “See you in about a half hour?”  With that she was out the door and he was left standing there gaping at the spot where she had been.

She leans against the outside of his door grateful for the cool air in the hallway.  Quickly she lets herself back into her own hotel room.  Seeing her reflection in the mirrored doors of the closet she sees how red her cheeks are.  ‘God, do you think he noticed?”  She hoped not.  Stepping into the washroom she makes a cool washcloth to dab at her cheeks, her neck, and to lay across the back of her neck.  Staring at her reflection in the washroom mirror she has to question what she is doing.

‘Why did I really come here?’  She knows.  She doesn’t want to admit it out loud but she knows exactly why she is here.  Walking back into the main room she lays on the bed staring at the ceiling.  Her thoughts go back to the set of Who and the fun and flirting that she and Matt did as the Doctor and River.  It was non-stop whether the cameras were rolling or not.  They couldn’t contain themselves as the innuendo and teasing was just part of who they were.  ‘But it was more than that wasn’t it?’  She remembers times she would catch him looking at her as if she was his whole world.  She knows there were times she felt that way about him. 

There was all of the time they spent together outside of the studio as well.  Team Tardis enjoyed a party.  As they became more famous they stayed in more….just the four of them or when she wasn’t there just the three of them.  ‘She didn’t just imagine that he would stay close to her all night, often getting closer as the night went on?  Did she?’  They seemed like they were so much more that friends or they would have been if she would have just reached out and touched him.  But she couldn’t could she?  He was Matt, young, at the start of his career and well….she wasn’t.  She laid there thinking of all the reasons she never gave into her feelings before and wondered why she was willing to do so now?

Before she had any answers she heard a knock at the door.  Discarding the washcloth in the washroom she fluffed her hair in the mirror before answering it.  It was Matt, of course it was.  “Um, teas here.  You ready?”

“Of course darling.”  She brightens. 

He offers her his arm.  “Then let me escort you Ms. Kingston.”

“Why thank you Mr. Smith.”  He begins to chuckle at that.  “What?”

“I don’t think you have ever called me that before.  You’re making me feel immensely old Kingston.”  She abruptly stopped them halfway between their rooms.

“If you’re old what does that make me?”  Her stare bore into him.

Without missing a beat he smiled and said, “Gorgeous!  Absolutely gorgeous!”

Letting out a hearty laugh she leaned into him, “Oh your good!”

“Well I better be.”

“Yes, you better be.” 

They were both smiling as he held the door open for her.  He had set up the tea at the small table near the windows.  Over tea and pastries they caught up with each other’s lives.  She talked about Salome and what she was into at the moment.  She talked about her various roles that seemed to be in just about every country except the one she lived in.  She talked about hanging out with Karen when she was in town.  She pointedly _did not_ talk about her fiancé or her upcoming wedding.

Matt couldn’t help but notice the obvious subject she was avoiding but chose to not point that out…..yet.  He knew her well enough to know that she’d get around to it when she was ready.  He let her know about his filming for Terminator and how amazing it was to meet Arnold Schwarzenegger.  She laughed when he showed her a selfie he had taken with Arnold on his phone.  “My god Matt, you look so tiny next to him!”  He couldn’t stop himself from making a face at her.  He then related a few anecdotes from the zombie version of Pride and Prejudice.  “Ok, but why exactly do we need zombies in a Jane Austen novel?”  She questioned.

“Because zombies are cool, Kingston!”  Now it was her turn to make a face at him.

“And here I thought it had to do with being able to film a movie with your girlfriend.”  She teases over her teacup.

His expression turns serious.  “Well…yeah, there was that.”  She can’t help but notice how quiet he has gotten all of a sudden.

Putting her cup down she looks in his direction.  “Sorry?  Have I missed something?”  He runs his fingers through his hair like he always does when he is nervous about something.  “It’s ok.  You can tell me.”

“Yeah…..well…it’s just that Lily and I broke up.”  He says while fiddling with his teaspoon.

“Oh!  I didn’t know.” 

“We….we haven’t really said anything…..officially.  It just sort of happened.”  He looked a little lost.

“Do you want to talk about it?”  She asked reaching over the table to squeeze his hand.

“Not really.”  He took a minute then put on his Doctor face.  “So what are we doing at the convention this weekend?”

She caught on that he wanted to change the subject so she obliged.  “The PA didn’t go over things with you?” 

“No, she wasn’t about when I got in.  I was supposed to be in hours before but delays getting out of Heathrow caused me to miss my connection in New York, so I had to take a later flight.”

“Well I can fill you in darling.  Let me go get the packet from my room.”  As he watched her hurry out of the room he couldn’t help ask himself why he told her about Lily.  They had agreed not to tell anyone.  He knew he could trust Alex but what made him do it.  Thoughts of ‘being single’ and ‘available’ floated around in his brain as she came bouncing back into the room.

After going over the schedule for the weekend of events she insisted that they call it a night.  “Matt you look totally knackered from your flight and you’re going to have a full day tomorrow.  You need to get some rest.”

“But I don’t want you to go already.”  He whined.

“I promise I’ll still be here tomorrow.  If you can get your arse up before the last minute we can have breakfast together.”

“Can we have pancakes?” 

“You do know I don’t have a kitchen in my hotel room, right?”

He pouted.  “So no Kingston pancakes?”

“No, but we can probably order some from room service.  Would that suffice?”

“I suppose it will have to but you still owe me your special Kingston pancakes.”

Smirking at him.  “Well one day I will be sure to make them just for you.  Goodnight Matt.”  She rises on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek not expecting him to pull her into a full body hug.  Matt’s hugs are the best and she will never deny herself one.  His scent fills her as she rests her cheek against his chest.

“Missed you.”  He breathes into her hair and she can’t help but smile.

“I’ve missed you too, you idiot.”  She raises her head to look at him.  “But I’m here now so let’s enjoy this while we can.”

“Yes, lets.”  He leans down kissing her on the corner of her mouth before releasing her.  She quickly covers her surprise wondering if he had meant to kiss her cheek.

“Goodnight Matt.”  She waves as she leaves his room.

“Goodnight Kingston.”  He leans against the doorframe watching as she walks back to her room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	7. Comic Con – Reno style

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little chapter to bring you some Christmas cheer......especially since too many other's stories have ripped our Mattex hearts out. Happy Holidays!

When his alarm sounded the next morning at 6am he didn’t even mind it.  Jumping out of bed and into the shower he couldn’t stop smiling thinking of having breakfast with Alex.  As the water cascaded down his body he thought, ‘the only thing better would have been if we had woken up together in bed’.  He leaned against the tile of the shower trying to wish those thoughts away.  “I can’t do this again.  I let it go.  I let her go.  She’s moved on, even if I can’t seem to.” 

A little more subdued he finished his morning routine and bounded over to her door.  Before he knocked he reminded himself that he may never get to have her in his life like he would like but he could still have her friendship ….and he didn’t want to miss out on that.

She’d been up since 5am.  Having left Matt’s place early last night she had gotten plenty of sleep.  As soon as her eyes opened her mind couldn’t contain her excitement in getting to see him again.  So she has showered, changed her outfit three times, and was so incredibly grateful for the arrival of the room service delivery.  Now she was wearing a hole in the carpet waiting for him to arrive.  Just as she was contemplating calling him she heard his knock on the door.

Opening the door she was greeted with “Kingston!” as he pulled her into a full embrace.  Silently she admonished herself for holding on just a little longer than she should.  It hadn’t occurred to her that he had done the same.

“Come in darling.  Breakfast is already here.”  She ushered him over to the covered dishes sitting on the small table.  As he sat down she poured his tea and removed the plate covers.  “I’m glad you got here when you did.  I’m starving.” 

He smiled as she poured maple syrup over her pancakes.  Sipping his tea he found it reminded him of home.  “Kingston, this tea is glorious, far better improvement over yesterdays.”

She giggled at him.  “That’s because it’s mine.”  At his confused look she continued, “I always carry English tea with me since I have found most tea on my travels to be lacking.”

“You know I need to start doing that especially since I seem to be doing a lot of travel in the States lately.  Because you are so right so much of the tea is ……”  He makes a face and she laughs.

Breakfast passes as if no time has.  They have their rhythms back and it feels so good.  With breakfast finished it is time to head down to the convention venue.  As they enter the lift Matt exclaims, “I can’t believe that didn’t put us together for even one interview.  You would think they would want to have the Doctor and his wife together.”  Alex is biting her bottom lip hoping he doesn’t notice the look on her face but he sees right through her.  “Ok Kingston, what do you know now that I don’t know?”

As her finger starts to go to her lips he retorts, “And don’t give me spoilers!”

She giggles at him since that was just what she had been planning.  “Well….I didn’t think it would be such a good idea for the two of us to be in an interview together.  So when I agreed to do the convention I told them not to put us together.”  She is looking rather sheepishly in his direction to gauge his reaction.

He just looks perplexed.  “Why?”

“Darling you know how much I end up saying that I shouldn’t?”  He nods.  “And you’re no better.”  He looks a bit affronted.  “Can you imagine what they’d get us to say if we were in the same room?”

He starts to laugh.  “Oh god you are so right!”  He says as he puts his arm around her.  She looks up at him as he smiles down at her.  It is at that moment that the lift opens to a gaggle of girls wearing an assortment of Who wear.  At least two pictures are taken before they can get off the lift.  Amazingly they don’t ask for autographs but just ooh and gush at the sight of them.

“See we haven’t even done anything and we’ve already made Twitter or Instagram or some other such thing!”  She frets.

“Relax Kingston, we weren’t doing anything but riding a lift.”

“I doubt that is how they will tag it.”

“Hold on.  ‘Tag it’, ‘Twitter’, ‘Instagram’?  Who are you and what have you done with my clueless social media co-star?”

She elbows him in the side as they continue walking.  “Hush you.  Salome’s been teaching me.”  She’s about to say more when a couple of production assistants greet them.  Since they both have separate schedules, except for the photo session in the middle of the day, they have their own PA assigned to them to get them where they need to be.  As she toddles off in the direction of her first interview she gives him a wave.  “See you this afternoon darling.”

“I’ll be waiting Kingston.”  He says before heading in the opposite direction.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s a fun day getting back into their characters again.  They managed to entertain at their panels without creating an Internet buzz from something they had said.  Their photo session is lots of fun for both of them as well as the fans.  Matt insists on wrapping an arm around her for every photo.  At first it makes her nervous but who is she kidding she loves it.  Soon she finds her arm wrapping around him as well.

It’s a little harder parting afterwards but he promises her dinner when they are through.  “I’ll be waiting darling.”  She tells him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She gets back to her room first glad to be done for the day.  As an enjoyable day as it’s been, she’s exhausted.  Shedding her clothes she draws herself a bath using the bath salts from the vanity basket.  She’s enjoying her soak when her phone buzzes.  Looking down she sees its Matt and clicks it on speaker.  “Hello darling.”

“Hey there Kingston.  Are you done for the day?”

“Yeah, I’ve been for a little while.  Just relaxing in the bath waiting for you.”

She hears sputtering on his end of the line.  “Wait….what?  Did you say you were in the bath waiting for me?”

She’s about to say yes when she realizes how that sentence may have sounded.  Giggling she practically purrs into the phone.  “Of course darling, where else would I be?”

“You minx!  You are so naughty Kingston!”

“Oh you love it!”

“Never said I didn’t!”  After a pause.  “Anyhow I was thinking about dinner.  Do you want to go out or stay in?”

“Oh I think in, don’t you darling?  I don’t think we will be able to go anywhere near the hotel that they won’t recognize us.”

“Yeah, that is what I was thinking too.  So how does Chinese or Thai sound to you?”

“Oh either sounds delicious to me.  You decide.  You know what I like for either.”

He had to smile because he probably knew better than she did.  Whenever they would go to restaurants she would read the menu like it held the secrets of the world and then invariably order the same thing she always did.  It used to drive Kaz crazy.  “Ok, well enjoy your bath.  I’ll stop by when I have dinner ready.”

“Sounds lovely darling.”

“See you soon Kingston.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	8. …and her nights…well that’s between me and her

Before he knocks on her door she has completed her bath and put on her comfy pajamas.  They’re nothing fancy just a simple tank with long pajama bottoms.  She pulls an open shirt over the tank as there is a bit of a chill in the air.  When they were in Cardiff her and Karen would often wear their pajamas and the boys their joggers.  She didn’t think Matt would mind. 

Waiting outside her door he couldn’t believe how excited he was to be there.  The whole day had pumped him up with all the fans excited to see him and the ridiculous amount of questions about River or Alex.  He supposes he should of expected it with her being at the convention.  What he hadn’t counted on was how all of those questions and the prospect of ending his day in her company brought all those feelings back to the surface.  He thought he had moved on……isn’t that what being with Lily was….him moving on. 

For so very long he had consoled himself that when he was done with Who he could be with Alex, that he could make his move.  But he went from Who to American Psycho and by then they had already lost touch.  Convinced it was for the best he let his feelings for her go or so he thought right up until he heard of her engagement to Tom.  He can’t say even he understood it but he became immensely jealous of Tom.  Jealous, angry, and sad that she moved on with him and never gave him a second thought.

If he was honest it was a big factor in his breakup with Lily.  As much as he enjoyed her company and even believed he loved her he still held back.  He still held back a part of his heart…..the part that Alex would always hold.  A few weeks ago she confronted him about his feelings.  It wasn’t hard to notice the difference in him since he started talking with Alex again.  She never knew why things had shifted between them but she couldn’t deny that it had.  After she pointed it out he couldn’t deny it either.  They mutually decided to stop seeing each other. 

He couldn’t stop the words ‘single’ and ‘available’ from whirling in his brain as he knocked on Alex’s door.  As he heard her footsteps come closer to the door he reminded himself ‘but she’s not!’ 

When he sees her in her pajamas his mouth goes dry.  ‘Oh she’s not playing fair!’

“Come on in darling.  I’m starving!”  She holds the door back ushering him in.

Willing his feet to move he leans in and kisses her cheek on his way to the table by the window.  When she joins him there he takes in the sight of her trying his best not to let his eyes linger.  “You look….” beautiful he thinks but says, “relaxed”.

“I am.”  She sighs.  “A bath and comfy clothes does wonders.  You should do the same.”  She suggests.

“A bath?  Now?  But I’m hungry.”  He whines.

“Oh stop acting like a big baby.  Ok, why don’t you go get into some joggers or something and I will set-up dinner.  You can have a bath later if you like.”  She’s busy unpacking the food and doesn’t notice the stunned look on his face that maybe that bath might include her. 

“I’ll be right back.”  He bounces out of her room and into his own.  She can hear him tossing things about next door as he changes.  A few minutes later he comes bounding back in looking quite comfortable (and delicious) in joggers and an old Radiohead t-shirt.  The sight of his bare feet cause her to take a deep calming breath.  How can his feet be sexy?  ‘This isn’t fair’, she thinks.

She has poured the wine and dished up their entrees.  As they eat they entertain each other with stories of their day.  They laugh at some of the ridiculous questions they get asked.  “I mean one fan asked me what kind of sandwich I like.  Why would they want to know that?” 

Laughing at him she teases, “They wouldn’t if they knew you only eat the same thing every damn day!”

“What?  It’s a good sandwich.”

“Sure it is darling but really?  Everyday?  Try something new once in a while.”

He’s smiling at her absolutely joyous at the idea that they can still have this.  They haven’t lost each other.  “So what about you Kingston?    What’s something ridiculous you got asked today?”  She gives him a wicked smile and it totally draws him in.  “Oh now you _have_ to tell me!”

Sitting back in her chair she gives him a look before saying, “Oh they just asked me what was my favorite bit to film for Doctor Who.”  Her eyes are shining with that mischief that he so loves in them.

Holding his wine glass he puffs out his chest, “Let me guess you told them kissing the Doctor!”  She waved her hand to push his idea aside.  “What kissing me is not top on your list?!?”

Putting her wine glass down and licking her lips she replies, “I believe you meant kissing the Doctor, didn’t you?”

He blushes when he realized he said “me”.  “Well….yeah….kissing the Doctor….but the Doctor is me!”  

Loving how petulant he sounded she couldn’t stop herself. “But you’re no longer the Doctor.”

He responded in a completely adult way by sticking his tongue out at her.  She couldn’t stop from giggling.  His look was murderous.

Ignoring her laughter he carried on, “So if it wasn’t kissing _the Doctor_ then what was it?”

Her giggles subsided and her eyes pierced through him as she raised her wine glass to her lips.  He watched her neck as the liquid made it down her throat causing his own throat to go dry.  “Well….actually.”  She’s holding her wine glass just under her lips as if she is drinking in its bouquet.  “It was when River crashed into the Doctor on the Tardis.”  She watches as his eyes go wide while taking another sip.

Does this woman have any idea what she is doing to him?  She can’t be completely oblivious can she?  ‘God, it’s all I can do to not crush her lips to mine this very instance.”  He’s trying not to go there.  He had put those feelings aside and now she’s bloody engaged.  ‘You can’t go there Smith.  Ever.’  He reminds himself.  But then she’s here talking about her favorite bit being when she flung herself at him. 

_God, he remembers that day so vividly.  He had thought it would be such a River thing to do and fluster the Doctor so.  That was why he had suggested it to Steven.  At least that’s what he kept telling himself as he tried not to notice how much harder he was getting after each take.  Bolder too!  Every time she flung herself at him his caresses stayed a little longer, risked being a little further up or down than they should.  They hadn’t really talked about it afterwards but (as she had told Confidential) they indeed became fast friends.  It never seemed awkward or off-limits when he touch her nor her him.  A boundary had been crossed and both of them seemed fine with that._

He was having difficulty coming up with a response after all of those thoughts had swirled in his head.  Averting his eyes from her he looked at some distant point out of the window.  “Well, yes……that would be a favorite.”  His voice was low; she could tell he was remembering that day as she had when the fan brought it up.

_She had still been having her doubts that the audience would accept her as his love interest when she was nearly twenty years older.  Despite the fact that she had connected with Matt and that she thought he was going to be a wonderful Doctor she still had her doubts about the two of them as an on-screen couple.  She definitely thought Steven was going a bit overboard with her dress, showing so much cleavage, and the ‘fuck me’ shoes.  She felt ridiculous right up until the moment Matt caught sight of her in that dress, the shoes dangling on her fingers.  It had been a long time since she had stopped a man dead in his tracks.  To say that Matt was ogling her was an understatement.  The boost to her ego was immense and without thinking she sauntered passed giving him a wink._

_When the next day she found out that she was going to have to fling herself at him in that dress she became quite nervous.  It was one thing for him to be interested from far away but up close he would see all her flaws.  Surely the magic would be gone then.  She couldn’t help to be surprised that he didn’t seem at all put off by having her up close.  In fact, as was evident from his tight trousers, she had quite the effect on the young man.  It was all in good fun.  With each take she lingered a little longer and didn’t seem to mind at all that his hands strayed more each time.  When they were done for the day, she proclaimed them “fast friends” and they were.  Neither of them seemed to mind when they touched each other.  It was like they couldn’t keep their hands to themselves around the other._

The air was thick with things unsaid as they both had remembered a day so long ago.  To dispel the tension she began to clear their dinner putting the uneaten portion in the mini fridge.  Turning back to where he was still sitting she felt compelled to trace his features with her eyes.  He was always so beautiful to her.  Charming, funny, caring, generous, and attractive…that would be how she would describe him. 

Refilling her wine glass she propped herself on the bed, the multitude of pillows behind her.  Finally breaking the silence she asked, “Penny for your thoughts?”

He shook his head looking around realizing for the first time that she was no longer seated across from him.  Seeing her lounging on her bed so many thoughts went through his brain he was sure she could read them on his face.  He lets out a cough before jumping up.  “Well Kingston, it’s late.  I’m sure you want to turn in.  I should get going.”

“That’s a rubbish idea, darling.  I haven’t seen you in ages.  I can catch up on sleep when I go home.  Bring your wine over.  I just wanted to get more comfortable.  It would have been nice if there was a sofa but these pillows are quite soft so I’m not complaining.”  He looked at the spot she had left for him to be next to her.  Hoping that this wasn’t going to end badly he refilled his wine and joined her.

“Oh Kingston, these pillows are comfy.”  He said as he nuzzled his body into them.  Keeping an eye on his wine glass she was at the ready in case it needed to be rescued.  He managed quite well then look at her expectantly.  “To friendship, may we always be friends.”  He toasted her.  With a clink of their glasses they continued drinking and talking for a couple of more hours.

After the bottle was empty and they no longer had their glasses to occupy their hands he found himself pulling on a curl just to watch it spring back into place.  They had both slid down the headboard, resting their heads against the pillows.  As he watched her magic hair pop back into place a thought occurred to him and before he could stop himself he let it out.  “Does he like your hair too?”

Her nose crinkles as she looks back at him.  “Does who like my hair?”

His eyes go rather wide as he still holds a tendril between his fingers.  “Um….your fiancé?”  All of a sudden she seems extremely nervous and finds herself putting distance between her and Matt.  He can’t help but notice the shift in her.  “Alex, what is it?  What’s the matter?”

“Nothing Matt, nothing.”  She responded in a rush, her eyes fixed to the space between them.  ‘How had she forgotten about Tom?’  She realized that since she had arrived last night she hadn’t thought about him once.  ‘That’s not a good thing, is it?’

Staring at her it’s obvious he doesn’t believe her.  Her not looking at him he knows this isn’t ‘nothing’.  “Alex?  What is it?”  She’s shaking her head willing him to change the subject but he’s a persistent bastard.  Reaching over he takes her hand before she has a chance to move it away.  Holding it he coaxes her to look at him.  “Alex, I know this isn’t ‘nothing’.  Talk to me.”

When she still hasn’t said anything after several minutes he decides to no longer wait for her.  “So Tom…that’s his name, right?”  She nods.  Ok, were getting a response.  “Does he get along with Salome?”  He knew it was shameful to bring her daughter into the conversation but he also knew she wouldn’t be able to resist.

“Yes, of course they get along.  You don’t think I would agree to marry someone who my daughter didn’t like, do you?”  The indignation of that thought had brought her back into the conversation.

“No, Alex.  I would think you would be very mindful of what Salome thought of any potential suitors.  Then what is it?  Because it’s obvious something has you upset.”  His voice was soothing and before she realized it the words were tumbling out of her mouth.

“I don’t…..I don’t think I should marry him.”  As soon as she heard herself say the words her eyes went wide and she pulled her hand back from him clasping her other hand close to her chest.

Intrigued by her admission and just a little bit hopeful he pressed on.  “Why Alex?  Why don’t you think you should marry him?”

Averting her eyes from him she picked at the stray thread on the duvet.  “Because I haven’t missed him.”

Confused, he asked what she meant.  “What do you mean you haven’t missed him?  Missed him when?”

Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth she announces, “This weekend.  I haven’t missed him this weekend.  At all.”

He laughs hoping to break the tension.  “Well that’s cause you have me.  Who could think about a fiancé with me around?”

He had meant it as a joke but he can tell by the fierce look she is giving him that she didn’t find it funny.  Her tone serious, “I mean it’s got to mean something doesn’t it?  You’re supposed to think about the man you’re planning on marrying, aren’t you?”

He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say here.  Did he talk her into or out of marrying Tom?  Conflicted with his own emotions on the subject he just pulled her to him wrapping his arms around her.  As she laid against his chest listening to his heart beating, soft tears fell down her cheeks.  Without words he just held her wishing he knew what were the right words to say at a time like this.  He almost missed hearing her muffled words into his chest.  “He’s not the one.”  Tightening his hold on her he nuzzled his cheek against her curls as he held her in his arms.  Neither of them tried to fight it when sleep took them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	9. In the Morning You Are So Beautiful

He was the first to awake surprised by the weight against his chest and the curls against his mouth.  As he felt her pressing into him his mind exploded with every fantasy he had ever had about her.  He shouldn’t have been surprised to feel the tightness in his joggers.  ‘His joggers?’  Looking down at the two of them they were indeed fully clothed.  As the fuzziness of sleep fell away he began to remember last night.  He remembered the ease in which they just were with each other.  He remembered the wine and the food that made them sleepy and more open with one another.  As he looked down at her face he saw the traces of tears that had marred their evening.  It wasn’t until then that he became aware that his hand was cupping her backside.  As if burned he pulled it away jarring her awake in the process.

She made the most glorious sounds as she awoke.  Trying to will himself not to listen his body betrayed him listening very intently.  Raising her head she didn’t’ seem surprised to see him there.  “Good morning, darling.”  Her voice rough with sleep spoke directly to his cock.

His strangled “Good morning” back caught her off guard.  It was then that she realized she was practically laying on top of him and perhaps her weight was too much.

Scrambling away she sat up against the headboard.  “I’m sorry darling.  I didn’t mean to crush you.”

“What?  No, no that wasn’t a problem.  Not a problem at all.”  He was rambling and she knew that was a tell-tale sign that he was nervous.

She wasn’t sure what was going on until her eyes grazed down his frame noticing the pronounced bulge in his joggers.  Smirking at him she couldn’t help but tease.  “I see what your problem is Matthew, missing your girlfriend already?” 

He followed her eyes then immediately closed his in mortification.  Screwing up his courage he opened them with a look that practically pinned her to the bed.  “Don’t think for a moment Alex that this is anyone’s fault but yours.”  When her eyes go wide he continues, “you can’t expect me to be in bed with a beautiful woman and not react.”  She was biting her bottom lip and as much as that turned him on he had to stop this before he wouldn’t be able to.  “Too bad you’re already spoken for.”

Her face fell as she again realized that she had not even considered Tom in this exchange.  Jumping off the bed she began to scurry around the room.  “What time is it?”  She looked for the clock next to the bed.  “Oh my god, Matt!  We have to be in our panels in less than an hour!”

Looking at the time he too jumped off the bed looking about for his shoes and phone.  “I’ll go catch a shower.  You want to knock on my door when you’re ready?  Do you think we will have time for a cup of tea?”  She is staring at him her eyes going wider with each word he utters.

“Matt, what if someone sees you leaving my room at this hour…..looking like that!”  She waves her hand up and down his frame.  He looks completely disheveled and there is no mistaking that he had just crawled out of bed…..her bed!  “Oh my god!   Oh my god!”  Her breathing becomes rapid as she sinks to the floor wrapping her arms tight around herself. 

He drops his shoes and phone putting his arms around her whispering “It’s going to be ok Kingston.  Calm down.  Yes, yes that’s it.  Just breathe.”  When he is sure she’s not going to hyperventilate he speaks up.  “Come here.  Let me show you something.”

Reluctantly she allows him to pull her to her feet and drag her over to a closet door.  “Yesterday when I was in my room I opened this door to see what was behind it.  I was surprised that it was just another door.  Apparently these are adjoining rooms with a connecting door.  I’m pretty certain I didn’t relock mine.  Want to check?”  She nodded numbly.  He opened her door to see his door closed behind it.  When he turned the knob it was unlocked and he opened it into his room.  “See Kingston, now no one needs to know I was even here.”

“Thank you darling.”  She breathes out in a sigh of relief.  Kissing his cheek she adds, “I need to get into the shower.  I’ll knock on your door when I’m through.” 

He stands there while she shuts her door and he hears her turning on her shower.  “Great!  Now how am I supposed to get the vision of Alex in the shower right next door to me out of my head?”  As it turns out he didn’t but decided to use it relieve himself of his painful erection.  He justified it by claiming he couldn’t possibly be hard all day in front of fans.

As Alex lets the spray of the water cascade over her she can’t help think of Matt’s reaction to her.  ‘Could he?  Really?  No, he’s a healthy young man and it was morning.  It’s natural.’  She continued to convince herself that a relationship with Matt Smith could never be.  ‘Thank god he has an adjoining door.  Our secret is still safe.’  She stopped still in the water to ask herself, “ _What secret?_ ”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They both manage to get to their panels with minutes to spare.  No time for breakfast of any kind his stomach was grumbling and he would kill for a cup of tea.  Just before being introduced he presses cash into his production assistant’s hand begging her to please get him a cup of tea and possibly a muffin.  When she enthusiastically agrees he asks if he could get the same for Alex too since she didn’t get any breakfast either.  He doesn’t notice her cute smile at that added request as he is being introduced and needs to make his entrance.

About twenty minutes into his panel she returns with a cup of tea, muffin, and an egg and ham sandwich.  He thoroughly embarrasses her by proclaiming his undying love for her at procuring his breakfast.  She whispers into his ear that the other one has been taken care of as well.  When his face goes red the moderator decides to up the ante.  “So Doctor, late night last night, eh?  Didn’t have time for the missus to make you breakfast?”

He practically chokes on the muffin but that at least gives him time to come up with a proper retort.  Adopting his Doctor voice he rebuffs, “The missus make me breakfast?  Are you crazy!  She’d probably just shoot the kettle.”  The fans laugh and they continue on with the next question.  He’s relieved that no one suspects anything.  _‘Suspects anything about what?’_

She is fielding a question from a young fan when her production assistant enters from stage left carrying tea and a bag.  When Alex begins to thank her she lets her know that it is really from the Doctor.  The fans ooh and ahh.  When it quiets down she grins at them and purrs, “It’s the least he can do considering I didn’t shoot his latest hat!”

They continue throughout their day doing panels, autograph sessions, and photo shoots but never do see each other.  By the time they are back in their hotel rooms the sun has already dipped below the horizon.  He flops back on his bed thinking about the day.   Smiling he thinks about last night and how he loved being with Alex again.  The waking up with her part was delightful as well.  Without thinking his hand trails to the front of his jeans as he thinks about holding her in his arms.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**


	10. Tequila and You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh you are so lucky to be getting another chapter so soon since I have had all this extra time on my hands (translation: I did this instead of the long list of things I was supposed to be doing).

At the sound of a knock he jumped up to his feet as if he had been caught.  The knock came again.  It sounded like it was in the room.  It was then that he realized it was their adjoining door and not his hotel door.  Looking in the mirror first to be sure he wasn’t giving anything away he opened his side of the door.  Standing before him wearing tight fitted yoga pants with a tank top was the most beautiful creature he had ever laid eyes on.  _She was not playing fair!_

“Alex!”  He sounded a bit more breathless than he intended and tried to cover by adding.  “How was your day?”

Brushing by him she came in uninvited talking non-stop.  “Well I had a great day but now I am starving.  How about you?”  She rounded on him as she asked.  “I haven’t had a chance to eat since breakfast.  Thank you for my tea and muffin by the way.  That was very sweet of you.”  She kissed his cheek on her way to look for the room service menu.  “I was thinking of just ordering room service.  It will probably be the fastest way to get food at this point.  What do you think darling?”

He was just gaping at her this force to be reckoned with who took over his life and _he had missed it so very much._   Walking over to her he wraps his arms around her from the side and kisses her cheek.  “Whatever you want is fine by me.”   He then flops on his bed watching her as she tries to make a decision.  He waits because he knows that it’s coming.

Coming over to the bed she sits on the edge.  “What do you think is good?  I can’t decide.”  At this he throws back his head and laughs.  Looking at him sternly she asks, “What?”

“It’s nice to know that some things never change.  You never could decide on a menu.”  He’s smiling at her and she playfully bops him on top of his head with the menu. 

Tossing the menu at him she gets up to leave.  “Fine you pick out dinner.  I’ll go open the wine.”

“Wine?  You already have wine?”

“Of course.  I brought wine with me from home along with some other things.  It was only a little plane hop to get here.  Should we eat at your place or mine?”

“Well since yours has provisions I say yours.”

“Alright so order dinner for my room, get into something comfortable, and then come on over.”  With that she headed back into her room leaving him sitting there with a room service menu in his hand and his mouth hanging open. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Twenty minutes later he came through their adjoining door to see her sitting in the chair from the dining table with her feet propped up on the bed staring out into the night skyline.  “Hey there Kingston.”  He said softly as to not startle her.  She turned in his direction and smiled at him.  “Sorry it just occurred to me that I should have probably knocked.”

“Oh pish, like you ever knocked when we lived in Cardiff!”

He laughed because that was so true….of all of them really.  They hardly ever locked their doors and he, Alex, Arthur, and Karen went back and forth between flats without any concern of privacy.  The only exception Alex ever had was when Salome was in town. 

Without giving it any thought he crawled onto the bed laying so he was facing her.  “So did you have a good day Doctor Song?”

She giggles at him.  “You know I have played a good many parts in my lifetime but none has become so much a part of me as this one.”  She sips at her wine turning to stare out at the lights illuminating the nightlife. 

He reaches over taking her glass and sipping at the wine as well before returning it to her.  She doesn’t even seem surprised by his actions.  “So what do you think makes this one so different?”  He wonders.

Taking a long drink she smiles.  “Oh I think it’s being in the world of Who.  It’s like joining an exclusive club.”  He starts to laugh at her.  “No, really because we have become part of the history of a show that has survived for half a century and could last that much into the future.  Think of it, someday folks will be talking about us like they wax on about Tom Baker and Sarah Jane.  Whenever I meet with the fans I realize how real we are to them.  We are River Song and the Doctor _to them_.”

“And you like that Kingston?”

Rubbing the rim of the glass against her lips she muses, “I love being thought of as River Song.  If only I was that brave and strong.”

“Now hold on there, Alex.  You _are_ that brave and strong.  Where do you think River got it from?”  He’s propped his head up on his arm looking at her with determination.

“Not really darling but it is a nice fantasy I tell myself.”  She starts to get up and he reaches for her wine glass (or so she thought).  Wrapping his hand around hers he pulls her in his direction so she has no choice but to look at him.

“Alexandra Kingston you are the bravest, strongest, most beautiful woman the world has ever seen!” 

She chuckles at him incredulously.  “Really darling?  The world?”

Tugging her a little closer, “Ok, maybe just in my world then.”  Her breath hitches as his eyes never stray from hers.  She feels sweat begin to form on her palm where his hand touches hers, her heart races as she stares back at him wondering what conversation they are actually having.

They are startled apart by the knock at the door.  Quickly she goes to answer it letting in the room service steward.  Matt has tidied the chairs at the table and is pouring fresh wine as the steward moves their dinner to the table.  Busying herself by signing the room service tab she doesn’t look back at Matt until they are alone again in her room. 

“Come on Kingston.  Let’s eat!  I’m starved.”  The moment has passed.  They are just Matt and Alex again. 

Relieved she joins him at the table.  “So what did you end up ordering?  I forgot to ask.”

“Our favorites, of course!”  He grins excitedly as he lifts her plate cover.  “Grilled salmon with a marinated shrimp sauce for you.”  Lifting his own he announces, “and a prime rib for me.” 

“Oh darling, this looks fantastic!”  She gives him a small smile.  “You know normally I would complain that this is too much but I am so hungry I might just eat the whole thing.”  He’s already started in on his prime and just nods at her.

Its several minutes before conversation begins again.  “Oh this is so good darling.  How is your beef?”

He looks at her warily.  “Don’t even think about it Kingston.”  He warns.

“What?”  She asks innocently.

“You know what.  The next thing you’re going to do is beg me for a bite of my prime ‘because it just looks divine darling’.” He does his best imitation of her purring voice.

“I do not do that!” 

“Yes, you most certainly do Ms. Kingston.  All.  The.  Time!”  He chided her.

Lowering her head, “Well…..I’m sorry darling.  I never knew that it bothered you.”  The whimper in her voice did him in.

With a forkful of prime rib he reaches across the table catching her eye.  “It doesn’t.  In fact, it’s one of those things I quite like about you.”  She looks up to see him smirking at her and she’d like to swat him for it but then he is offering her prime rib…..maybe later.

She reciprocates by giving him a taste of her salmon with a bit of shrimp.  They continue the meal interspersed with conversation about their day and offering each other bites of their dinners.  It’s utterly intimate and domestic and would probably scare the hell out of both of them if they had given it a second (or a first) thought.

Pushing her plate back she exclaims, “I’m stuffed.  I don’t think I could eat another bite.”

Looking at her empty plate he laughs.  “Well it’s a good thing then there aren’t any more bites to eat!” 

Pouring the last of the wine into her glass she sticks her tongue out at him causing him to laugh harder.  A quiet blankets over them, for a few minutes both are caught up in their own thoughts.  He’s the first to break the calm.  “So this is our last day at the convention.”

She tilts her head in his direction before answering.  “Yeah.”  It’s a sad acknowledgement full of wishes that this time together never had to end.

“So I was wondering…..did you still want me to come out to LA?  I mean since you came here.”

She can’t explain it but the thought of him not coming out to LA with her fills her with great sadness.  “Don’t….don’t you want to come back with me?”

Immediately he leans forward over the table to her.  “Of course I do Alex.  I just don’t want to wear out my welcome with you.”

Throwing back her head she laughs heartily at him.  “I don’t think that’s possible darling.  Besides Salome would be very cross with me if I kept her from her Matty.”

“Well as long as it’s no trouble.”

“Of course not.  You can stay at mine if you like.  I have a spare room.”  The offer is out of her mouth before she realizes what she had said. 

He wants so badly to read into her offer all of the things he wants it to mean but then he remembers …..she’s engaged.

“That won’t cause a problem with Tom?”

Her eyes go wide as she realizes yet again that she has completely forgotten about Tom in this interchange.  ‘What will Tom say to Matt staying at her place?  She’s not sure she wants to think about it.’ 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Draining her wine glass she jumps up from the chair and hurries to the bag lying on the floor next to the dresser.  Back at the table she places two shot glasses, a bag of already cut limes, a salt shaker, and a full bottle of tequila between them.  With her actress face on she does her best to imitate Karen.  “As mummy would say, “It’s time for shots!”

He knows she’s avoiding but then he is happy to avoid as well.  “I see Kaz has been a spectacularly bad influence on you!”

Shrugging at him, “What can I say?  I take after my ‘mummy’.” 

With a full laugh he shakes his head, “That is such messed up parenting!”  She winks at him as she pours the shots.  Licking his hand he shakes out the salt passing it to Alex before grabbing a lime in the other hand.

“Are you ready?”  She asks.  He nods.  “On the count of three.  One….two…three!”  They each lick their hand, down the shot, and bite down on the lime.  The rush of the alcohol makes them both flush as they smile at each other.

“That was fun!”

“Another?”

“Sure!  You sure you can keep up with me Kingston?”

She stares him down with a piercing gaze.  “I think you’re forgetting who kept up with Karen while some boys I know passed out on the floor.”

“That wasn’t fair.  I was exhausted from filming for two straight months.”  He tries to defend himself.

“Well then darling…..this should be a fairer competition then shouldn’t it?”  He hears the dare in her voice and he is more than willing to accept that challenge.

“You’re on Kingston.  But know you’re going down this time.”

“We’ll see darling…..we’ll see.”  She hands him the salt shaker after pouring her own salt, the shots already prepared.  The challenge begins……………

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	11. Tequila and You (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you will be very happy...............and some of you will not. Sorry/not sorry! Love you! :)

After each shot the laughter becomes brighter, louder, and harder to control.  Neither of them are keeping track of how many times they have ‘licked, drank, sucked’ but the level in the bottle is quickly going down.  They’re both avoiding.  It’s something they have done for years now.  It’s just a little harder when they’re the only two people in the room.

She’s avoiding the truth that Karen already pointed out to her.  She’s not ready to marry Tom.  How could she be when she has barely given him a thought the entire weekend?  She’s avoiding the feelings she has harbored for Matt for years now.  It was always easy (or easier) to keep them hidden away.  For some reason this weekend it seems harder now.  Why is that?  To avoid this and all questions she sets up another round.  ‘ _Best not to think about it_.’

He’s avoiding as well but he’s not sure he wants to any longer.  Alex seems different now, more open, _‘does that mean he has a chance?’_   Looking at her setting up the next round he can’t help but to memorize her face.  Her cheeks are rosy and her smile is bright.  Her green eyes sparkle into shades of blue and when she turns in his direction he sees specks of gold reflected there as well.  When she looks at him it feels like she is looking into his soul, as if she knows everything about him, and yet still wants to be here.  He’ll admit it’s a heady feeling thinking that Alex Kingston might feel for him what he feels for her.  But…. _‘Do I dare test that theory?’_

It’s their own version of a staring contest…..a game of chicken.  Who will be brave enough first?  With three-quarters of the bottle gone he decides ‘What the hell!’  He decides to bring up the elephant in the room and hopes she’s far enough pissed to tell him the truth.

With speech slurred from well let’s see one, no two, no…well lots of shots he leans into her and asks.  “So Kingston, tell all ‘bout this Tom fella.  I need to know if he good ‘nough for me wife.”

Her face pales and her smile falters.  “Don’t want to talk ‘bout him.”  She mumbles as she begins to set up the next round.

Reaching over he stills her hands in his.  “Why not?  I thought birds loved talkin ‘bout their man?”

She pulls away from him taking the tequila bottle with her.  “NO!  I said no Matthew!”  He watches as she sits there cradling the bottle against her chest.  Leaving his chair he kneels in front of her, “Sorry Kingston.  Didn’t mean to upset you.”

Reaching out she pushes his fringe off his forehead relishing the way his hair feels against her fingers.  She closes her eyes letting the sensations stroke against her heart.  Distracted he’s able to pry the bottle from her hand and place it on the table.  When she opens her eyes again he’s standing in front of her holding her hand in his.  “Com’ere.”  He insisted.  Without a thought she leaps into his arms grateful to feel them tight around her.  Softly her tears fall down her cheeks as she presses deeper into his embrace.

The swirling of the alcohol in his brain combined with her weight pressing against him is making it difficult to stay upright.  Gently he eases them down onto the edge of the bed.  Pulling back enough to see her face his heart breaks to see the tears there.  Carefully his fingertips graze over her cheeks wiping the moisture away.

The feel of his fingers against her cheek is not enough.  She wants more.  She wants to feel more of him….all of him against her.  Her head rises to meet his eyes, his eyes looking down at her with such love and concern.  “Why are you crying Alex?”

She doesn’t answer except to pull him closer rising so that her lips meet his.  Tentatively, gently, carefully until his fully connect with hers and then there is no holding back for either of them.  Her hands have slid into his hair pressing him closer, her mouth devouring his as he kisses her back as deeply. 

When her lips met his all he could think of was her, of having her, of wanting her, _for so very long_.  His tongue exploded with the taste of Alex.  A taste he only got to sample within the confines of a film set.  He was highly aware that there wasn’t anyone here to shout ‘cut’ but it occurred to him that maybe there should be.  Gasping for breath he pushes his forehead into hers holding her in place trying to think past the alcohol.  “Alex, love we can’t.”  He pushes away from her watching as he dashes her hopes before his eyes.  “We can’t.”  He says simply.

God he would do anything not to have to see the look on her face right now.  Recoiling into herself she manages to eek out, “Why?”

Despite the space he has put between them he still holds her arms in his so he’s not that far away.  “Sweetheart you’re engaged.  I couldn’t do that to you.”

Her head shoots up to look him in the eye.  “What?”

“Tom?  Remember?  I couldn’t take advantage of you now.”  He’s trying to be noble but god all he really wants to do is push her against the bed and do decidedly wicked things to her all night long.

She pulls away from him wrapping her arms around herself while bringing her knees to her chest.  Silently she lets the tears fall.  Another relationship over.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Watching her pull away his heart breaks into a million pieces.  Should he hold her or should he go?  Probably should go, the self-control will only last so long.  Carefully he pulls himself up off the bed then leans down kissing her through her curls.  “I should probably go.”  He manages though his voice is rough and hoarse.

As he turns to leave she asks, “Is that the only reason?”

Turning back to her he sways slightly on his feet, “Is what the only reason?”

Her voice stronger this time as she realizes this is it, last chance.  She can’t let him leave here without knowing.  “Is Tom the only reason?  Or is this all in my head?”

His eyes grow wide as he stares at her, opening his mouth to speak but nothing comes out.  Falling to the edge of the bed he wills words to come out.  “You want this?  With me?”  He hadn’t meant for that last part to come out so high pitched but he thinks she’s offering him his fantasy here and he’s not quite sure how to react. 

She looks at him with smoldering eyes, the look somewhat ruined by the streaks of mascara and tears down her cheeks.  “I’ve always wanted this…..with you.”

“But…..but….”  He’s trying to process, would probably be better if he could keep his mouth shut but the abundance of tequila is making that impossible.

Seeing him hesitate she thinks she has her answer.  _‘What an idiot Alexandra! Now you’ve managed to fuck up two relationships in one go.’_   “It’s ok darling.  I’m just an old fool.”  She turns away from him hoping he won’t see her heart shatter.

_‘Now she thinks I don’t want her when that could not be further from the truth.’_   He leaps at her knocking her against the pillows his body pressing her into the bed.  “Alex…… never a fool and certainly not old.”  He’s stroking her cheek with his two forefingers memorizing the curve that it makes as it reaches her lips and the soft, soft feel of her lips against the pads of his fingers.  “Alex there is nothing more that I want than to make love to you.”  His fingers continue to ghost over her lips.  “………right now.”  She reaches out to taste him, to feel his digits make contact with her tongue.  “But I won’t be a substitute for someone else.”

“What?!?”  She raises her head to stare into his eyes, to try to understand.

“Tom.  You’re missing Tom and I’m here.  It’s understandable.”  He couldn’t believe what he was saying. 

She was shaking her head.  “No, no that’s not it.”  She pushes herself up against the headboard forcing him to sit up as well.  “I’ve known for a while.”  Her eyes drop to her hands fidgeting in her lap.  “Tom’s a lovely guy.  He really is.  He treats me well.  He has a great relationship with his daughter, he and Salome get along great but he’s not the one.”  She sneaks a peek at him through her curls.  “He’s not the one that makes my heart race at the sound of his voice.  He’s not the one whose touch brings fire to my skin.  He’s not the one that my heart aches for when he’s not around.”

The silence in the room is deafening as if it goes on forever instead of just seconds.  Barely able to form sounds into a single word he utters, “Who?”

She lifts her head to him to be certain he understands when she answers, “You.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	12. Tequila Makes Everything a Great Idea

Gathering her in his arms he is trying hard to get his breathing under control.  “Oh my god Kingston.  Oh my god!” He breathes out into her hair as he presses her close to his chest.  She’s latched around his neck removing any space that might have been between them.  “Do you have any idea how long I’ve thought about you and me?  Always thinking it would never be possible.”  He pulls back to face her, to peer into her eyes, to be certain this isn’t all some cosmic joke.  “You think I’m the one?”  She barely nods her head.  _“For you?”_

She rests her hand against his cheek feeling the heat from his skin pressing into hers.  He watches her eyes as they trace over his face.  Resistance is futile with the look of desire she holds in her eyes for him.  Nervous, well actually scared to death, he leans into her capturing her lips with his.  Instantly his hands reach for her curls as hers move to tug on the back of his hair. 

Quickly their kiss escalates to a battle for dominance, each mapping the other with their tongue until they must part for breath.  But he can’t stop now.  He’s tasted her, the real her, not River, but Alex.  She’s admitted that she has feelings for him and he her.  His mouth tastes down her jaw, her neck, he can’t get enough of her.

He can feel her hands scrabbling at his back eventually lifting his tshirt up his back.  Reluctantly he rises above her pulling it the rest of the way before descending again to her lips.  He nips and kisses his way down to her cleavage.  His tongue tastes the skin between her breasts and the whimper she lets out speaks directly to his cock.  He is at once electrified and tentative.

Falling beside her his eyes never leave hers.  “Are you sure about this?” 

She nudges her leg between his as her hands trace over his chest and his abs.  “I wanted this for so long.  I never thought I could.”

“Oh my god is that why you came here?”  His eyes widen at the realization that she orchestrated coming to the convention to be with him…..really be with him.

Her eyes drop watching her fingers float across his skin.  All of a sudden she feels shy and a bit uncertain.  “Maybe…I wanted to be around you like we used to be not just have lunch in a public place like we weren’t important to one another.”  Her eyes traced her movements as she felt each of his ribs and followed the hair line down the middle of his chest.  “Maybe I wanted to see if there was any chance that you felt this way too.”

It was hard to concentrate with the alcohol swirling in his brain and her fingers swirling against his skin but a nagging thought persisted.  Reaching over his chest he stilled her hand in his waiting until she looked up at him.  “Alex if I didn’t or I hadn’t said ………would you have married him anyways?”

The shock of bringing up Tom again caused her to sit upright in the bed.  ‘What was she doing?  She had a lovely, her age, fiancé at home.  Even if her and Matt did have something, it wasn’t going to last.  She was certain that he would never want more than a fling with her.  Should she risk being alone for someone she could never really have.  He was a fantasy and it was probably best to keep it as that.’ 

Looking at him looking so delicious with his naked chest, handsome face, and bulging pants she leaps from the bed straight to the table holding the tequila bottle.  Without pretext of salt and post text of lime she takes a shot straight from the bottle.  With her back to him she takes another before she hears him rustle from the bed.

When he presses his hand into the small of her back she can’t stop herself from sinking against it.  She’s so weak.  She takes another shot.  He reaches around her taking the bottle from her hand.  Ready to protest she turns to see him taking his own shot before handing it back to her.  As she takes her next shot she feels him kiss her shoulder.

When she offers it to him he takes the bottle his eyes never leaving her as he drinks his shot.  Stroking across his chest she walks behind him placing kisses against his back as her fingernails scrape his chest.  He takes another shot.  Coming around the other side she takes the bottle back from him taking one more.  When she passes it back to him there is only one left.  She watches as his lips wrap around the bottle and she can see it pass down his throat.  There is a small drop of tequila resting next to his lips.  She licks it from him then pulls the bottle from his hand placing it on the table.

He pulls her close resting his head against her forehead trying to understand what is happening to them.  “Alex, you need to know it’s been a long time for me.  I’ve been thinking about you and I since practically the beginning.  I couldn’t just have an affair with you and then let you go.  I couldn’t….”  His voice trails off as his grip tightens.

“What are you saying darling?”

“I’m saying I can’t be your last hurrah before you go off to marry someone else.”

Pushing against his chest she forces him to look at her.  He’s a bit blurry and she’s a bit wobbly but they manage.  “And if I don’t want to marry him.  How would you feel about that?”

A smile sneaks onto his face as her words wash over him.  “What are you saying?”

She kisses against his cheek, then the edge of his mouth before taking his lips in hers.  “I’m saying that you’re the one I want to be with. 

His hands on either side of her face, he drags her mouth to his.  It’s sloppy, a bit wobbly but the press of their lips ignite a passion in both of them.  Quickly their hands rake over each other needing the feel of the others skin against their fingertips.  But as they aren’t exactly sober they are easily thrown off kilter and fall against the bed. 

Breathless and laughing at their clumsiness they reach for each other again.  As his numb from alcohol fingers fumble with her bra clasp he stops to look at her.  “What darling?” She asks when she notices him staring at her.

“You are so beautiful.”  He breathes.  The back of his hand traces down her cheek down through the center of her breasts.  The alcohol is making her bold but the intensity of his gaze is making her feel self-conscious and she squirms slightly beneath him.  “F’om the m’ment I first saw you, I was in awe of you.”  He leaves a gentle kiss in the center of her cleavage.  “But when I got to know you…that’s when I truly saw your beauty.  You’re beautiful on the inside as much as you are on the outside.”

His fingertips blaze heat across her abdomen even through the shirt as he absently strokes her.  “This isn’t you Alex.  You don’t have an affair when you’re engaged to another man.  That isn’t who you are inside.”  His fingers trail up her arm and down again before he intertwines his fingers with hers.  “I don’t want our beginning to be an affair while you’re engaged to another.”  He brings their joined hands to his lips.  “Marry me?”  He says while leaving a kiss across her knuckles.  “Marry me, tonight.”

“What!?!”  She tries sitting up but the quick movements cause her to lay back down.  “We can’t get married…tonight.”

“Why not, Kingston?  We’re in Reno.  There’s a chapel on every corner.  Marry me.  Become my wife then we’ll have a honeymoon…..not an affair.”  He was smiling at her with a glint in his eyes.  Their hands were still entwined.  He tried pulling her to her feet but it only caused him to fall on top of her.  “Centimeters from her face he breathes his words to her.  “I love you and I don’t want to spend another day without you.  Say you’ll marry me Alex?”

Wrapping one arm behind his head she pulls her to him kissing him until he thinks he will pass out from lack of air.  When she parts she whispers, “Yes.”

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**


	13. Post- Tequila

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saw this on Tumblr:  
> “I’m with someone I really do like but I still have this deep deep feeling that I’m meant to be with my best friend and he’s with someone else.”  
> ……..and was inspired to write about our favorite couple.

When he wakes the next morning he’s not surprised that he woke in Alex’s bed (again).  The complete lack of clothes their wearing does catch him a bit off guard however.  Lying there with Alex’s curls tickling his chest he tries to remember what happened the night before.

He remembers they were having dinner and drinking wine then _……‘oh yeah…..then we started doing tequila shots.  (Damn! Kaz has been such a bad influence.)’_  He remembers he brought up Tom and Alex got quite upset and started downing more shots….straight from the bottle.  _‘But wait…..I was drinking from the bottle too.’_

Alex starts to move against him and he feels panic begin in his gut.  _‘When she realizes what we’ve done she is going to be so upset.  This isn’t her.  She doesn’t just go off and have affairs.’_   He rubs his face then pushes his hand through his hair.  That’s when he notices it.  Pulling his hand in front of his face he sees the shiny wedding band on his left hand.  Covering his eyes with his hand it all comes back to him. 

He remembers asking her to marry him and her answer of yes.  From there it was a comical dash to get them redressed and out the door.  It didn’t take long to find a chapel, complete with a jewelry display of wedding rings.  Within an hour they were back in her suite anxious to get the honeymoon underway.

Pulling the hand from his eyes he looks down at her sleeping form.  She looks happy.  _‘I hope she’s happy.’_   He brings his arm around her back holding her against him.  Laying there for the next half hour his mind races with all of the possible ways this could go when she wakes up.  By the time she begins to stir he has worked himself into a proper frenzy sure that she will regret what they have done.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

She wakes to the feel of his warm skin against her cheek, her chest pressed into his.  Slowly her fingers begin to stroke across his belly as she can’t help but grin about last night.  _‘God, he was fantastic.’_   Somehow she always knew he would be but experiencing it was transformative.  Raising her head she sees him watching her.  “Good morning darling.”

“Good morning.”  ‘ _She seems happy, maybe she hasn’t put it all together yet’_ , he worries.

But then he feels the touch of her fingers against his abs.  Slowly her hand slides under the sheet stroking his thigh.  As her fingernails stroke up his thigh they slowly rake over his already hardened cock.  He lets out a gasp.  She sneaks a peak at him through her curls with that wicked look she sometimes adopts as River.  But as her lips begin to kiss across his chest he knows that look is just for him. 

Stroking slowly up and down his shaft it begins to twitch and he can’t help but let a breath escape.  He gasps when her small hands encircle him at its base then begins to stroke him up and down …………..excruciatingly slow.  When her thumb slides across the tip he nearly explodes.  But he wants her warm and wet around him when he does. 

Quickly he rolls them over so he is hovering over her.  “Yes darling.” She utters breathlessly.  “I want you, now.”  When he strokes his fingers against her folds she writhes to his touch.  He’s surprised by how ready she is for him.  He coats himself in her juices as he slides himself against her folds.  His mouth hovers next to hers breathing in each gasp she makes as he does.  When he slides inside of her he captures her gasp with his mouth as he relishes in the taste of her.  Taking her hands in his he pulls them above her head pushing them into the bed.  With each stroke he can feel her ring against his palm as he is sure she can feel his.

He’s not sure how much longer he can hold out.  _‘God she is exquisite!’_   Trailing kisses from her mouth down her cheek he pulls her earlobe between his lips.  Panting into her ear, “I’ve got you.  Come for me sweetheart.”  It was the permission she needed to let go.  Her release set off his as they rode through the waves before he collapsed against her.  Their hands still bound together he falls to her side bringing her with him as they resume kisses….languidly.

As their heartbeats slowed he pulled back to take in her beauty.  Post-coitus Alex might just be his favorite Alex look of all.  “Hello.”  He smiles brightly towards her.

“Hello.”  She giggles.

As he brushes his fingers against her lips she closes her eyes relishing in the feel of them.  “So it seems there have been some developments.”  He breaches into the conversation…hoping he hasn’t misread what has just transpired between them.

“It seems there have been.”  Opening her eyes she tries to read his.  “How do you feel about that?”  She can’t stop stroking his bare skin with her fingertips needing the constant connection with him.

He presses a quick kiss to her lips.  “Like all of my dreams have come true.”  He keeps his eyes firmly on her trying to read all the signs she is giving.  He strokes across her forehead and down her face as he continues.  “How about you?  Any regrets?”

Her smile broadens then she leans into him to kiss him once more.  Hovering against his mouth she replies, “Only that we didn’t do this sooner!”

Reaching between him he pulls her left hand into his feeling her band scrape against his.  He brings her hand to his mouth kissing against her ring.  She opens her hand up to see her wedding band; he then places his fingers over hers so she can see his as well.  She doesn’t say anything and he’s unsure what the look on her face is saying.  “I wasn’t sure if you remembered this part.”  He says tentatively.

Her look falters for just a moment then she smiles brightly at him.  But he knows that look.  That’s her actress face.  “Don’t Alex.”  Her eyes go wide unsure.  “Don’t pretend with me.  You never have to hide from me…..ever.  If it helps I didn’t remember either when I first woke up.”

Her eyes go wider still.  “You didn’t?”

Shaking his head he says, “No, not at first…not until I spied the ring on my finger.  Then it all came back to me.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“And how did you feel about that when you remembered?”

“Honestly, I was too worried about what you were going to say when you figured it out.”

“….and now?”

“I’m still worried what you’re going to say.”

She swats at his chest.  “Be serious.”

“I am serious.”  He kisses her shoulder then rests his cheek there staring up at her.  “Truth is I’m afraid you’ll regret all of this.”

Reaching for him they shift with him laying across her chest.  She softly strokes his cheek, “Matt I could never regret you.  For so long I wanted to tell you how I felt but I was sure you wouldn’t feel the same.  And despite what you think I never thought we would end up in bed together this weekend.”

“What about married?” He smirks.

She blushes, “Definitely not married, either.”

“So how do you feel about that?”

“I know I should have regrets.  I know I should be scared out of my mind but truthfully I am so happy in this moment that I can’t worry about anything else.”  His eyes go wide in disbelief.  

“Are you sure?”

“I am.  What about you darling?”

Lifting himself from her chest he is drawn back to her lips kissing her languidly.  “I’m so happy in this moment Alex.  I love you and I know this isn’t how we probably should have done things but I want this.  I want to be with you, to be married to you, for us to build a life together.”

“I love you too, darling.  Now make love to me husband.”

“With pleasure wife.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so this is what happens when you let characters run amok (with tequila!). I originally planned to just write a nice, fluffy story about our favorite couple to inspire the fandom to continue writing and now look what I’ve done (It’s all Matt and Alex’s fault!) Apparently I can’t write a story without a bit of angst tossed in. I am going to end this story here for anyone who just wants to stick with the fluff. For those needing more angst resolution there will be a continuance of the story in a piece with a different title.


End file.
